As The Chips Fall
by JustAnotherCouchPotato
Summary: When the One Piece and the Baldur's Gate crews meet, the latter is currently searching for a companion lost to the vastness of infinity certainly not due to a foolish act of their leader, Arlissa . They team up and bring fun and chaos wherever they go.
1. Chapter 1

FOREWORD:

In the first scene there will be numerous actors, eleven to be precise. As so many introductions would only kill the read, I've decided to just assume that all readers know the first 5 characters of One Piece.

This does not mean that this is a One Piece fanfic however. If anything, it would probably be dedicated to Baldur's Gate II. Fortunately this is a cross-over and I don't have to decide such difficult things.

For those of you that would like to find out more about Imoen, Aerie, Sarevok, Jaheira, Jan and Minsc, I only have one piece of advice. Play the game. :P

OCEAN

The first one to notice it wasn't Zoro, who slept through his guard duty, but Nami.

A big metallic ball swam in the water, making it hard to estimate how big exactly, since most was hidden by the ocean, but Nami guessed that it was about four times the size of Merry. On the top was something resembling a very small sail which probably served mostly to create some shade for whoever was on that thing.

She was just about to inform the others of this strange appearance when some shouting from the quarter-mile far USO (unknown swimming object – Nami was proud of herself for that one) did this job for her.

In a matter of seconds everyone gathered at the rail to watch. A female voice, barely audible, said: "Give me some wind, will you? This is boooring!"

A male voice, though a little high pitched, followed "Some wind for Lady Imoen!"

And another female voice, full of humor, shouted: "Some wind for Lady Imoen, coming right up!"

What happened next amazed the straw hat crew a lot, because they had never before witnessed a metal bullet the size of a big house accelerate that quickly and to that kind of speed. As one being they turned their heads around, their eyes following the ball when it blurred past them, followed by a big wave and a lot of wind that shook the pirate ship as if it was a little toy in a bath tub. Nevertheless, all eyes were still on the ball, on the back of which one could now see a big red and above all crude painting of a skull.

Luffy's eyes were full of tears.

He was barely able to give his next command. "To the ... oars... We'll go after them!"

With the combined strength of Luffy, Zoro and Sanji they were slowly able to gain on their goal, but it was a hard fight, and Usopp couldn't help but worry about the ship. Finally, the distance had shrunk so much that Luffy was able to catch the glittering thing with his hands and put a stop to the chase.

The ball crashed against the side of Merry and there was a lot of very unhealthy noise, though most of it came from Ussop who in his fear for the caravel had clenched his teeth together.

The pirates were just getting back on their feet when they saw two girls on the ball, looking at them, while the sun behind them didn't allow anybody on the lower ship to see anything more than their outlines.

"Whow, they caught us, now we get to take their treasure, right?"

- "Nonsense Arlissa, didn't you listen? A pirate can rob people after he catches them, not the other way around!"

Sanji's face began to melt when he heard those two voices.

"So?"

- "They get _our_ treasure, of course."

At this point Nami seemed to become very attentive.

"That doesn't seem right, Imoen. We worked so hard for all that gold and now we have to give it all away just because someone managed to catch up with us?"

A third, very short person appeared in the view of the straw hats.

"Oh yes, the hardships of piracy. Do you understand now why I chose to become a simple vegetable merchant rather than a fearsome warrior of the sea? That reminds me of my nephew Twice-One-Handed Pete who was punished more than once for theft with the removal of his hand."

- "I think we could just have a go at them after they've taken our treasure..."

There was a pause, when the other girl seemed to consider this. On the Merry everyone except for Luffy, who was still in awe with what he had just seen, was a little unnerved about the direction of the conversation. They had been underestimated before, but it was still unsettling to be considered mere game pieces by two girls whose behavior didn't suggest any experience in the arts of war at all.

Finally the silence was broken when the second girl, the one referred to as Arlissa, said with a hint of disappointment in her voice: "Always exaggerating, you are... Just because we're pirates now doesn't mean that we have to be jerks about it."

That was the moment when Luffy jumped onto the metal ball and towards the three people upon it – his sudden landing just in front of them making them jump too, albeit not as far.

From up here he could see that it wasn't only the two girls and the strange little man, a girl with blond hair and a dress of the same color was lying under the sail some 10 yards off and two bald men were occupying their gigantic muscles with lifting weights. The first idea you'd get when watching those 6ft juggernauts was that they'd have to be the stereotypical good and evil twins. The one with lighter skin had a purple ring tattoo that went from his right temple over half of the forehead to the right eye of his friendly and naive face. At his side the darker man appeared like a demon. It was neither the graying goatee nor the many scars that covered him. The two purple diamonds that covered his eyes and brows and the blue lines on his forehead in the form of a V might have had something to do with it, but it was mostly his expression that said he'd found his inner child and strangled it.

"So, you're pirates too, huh?" Luffy asked with a voice full of excitement.

Arlissa, who seemed to have recovered the quickest from the surprise, answered with gleaming blue eyes: "No, actually we're just having a bit of fun while looking for a lost companion; haven't had a proper vacation for what feels like years... Tell me, did your limbs actually become really long just now or was that just an illusion?"

In the meantime Zoro and Sanji had also climbed up this strange device, so while Luffy showed off his flexibility, Sanji could ask: "You lost a companion? What happened? Did she fall into the sea or something?"

Arlissa raised her thin black eyebrows. "And here I thought I hadn't specified the gender yet... No, this accident was a lot more complicated than just a loss of balance-"

She was cut off by Imoen who snorted: "'Accident'..."

Arlissa blushed. "Look, when you see a big red button with the words 'DO NOT PRESS UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES' on it, you just have to, right?"

Imoen shot back; "And I know I told you not to use wild magic repairing the Planar Sphere! At least we'd know what plane Jaheira landed on if you had listened..."

Luffy, for whom this discussion held to many alien words, had left the group to look around on the metal ball and finally find an entrance door. He was just about to enter when he suddenly felt a cold blade touching his neck. A dead-serious voice told him from behind: "Not without Her permission."

Slightly embarrassed, Arlissa shouted: "Of course he can go in."

A little nervous she added: "He won't break anything, will he?"

Sanji made a face, while Zoro had eyes only for the swordsman who had so quickly moved behind Luffy. He felt his heart pounding when he introduced himself to the dark-tanned warrior and asked for his name in exchange.

It was Sarevok.

"You're dependable on the battlefield, aren't you?"

Sarevok grinned wickedly. "Undefeated... Ever since I stopped trying to kill Her."

He pointed to Arlissa who was at this moment slowly realizing that Sanji didn't take "No" or "Not interested" for an answer.

Not paying the others any mind, Zoro spoke out what had burned his tongue for the past few seconds. "Would you mind a little duel?"

Sarevok's grin grew wide, showing more and more big and predatory teeth. Instead of a verbal answer he just drew his two-handed sword and raised it above his head.

Zoro immediately felt his fighting spirit pressuring him, it wasn't just the clean joy of fencing that many young men radiated, this was pure blood-lust. He didn't understand why his opponent had even mentioned the little girl, in his eyes it was obvious who was the more fearsome, but he also knew that he mustn't waste any more thoughts at this paradox.

He also drew his swords. All three of them.

He took a deep breath.

The big sword cut through the air, sounding like an angry snake, but Zoro wasn't there anymore. Like a leaf in the wind he'd jumped to evade the attack and was hovering above the other fighter when his swords started moving.

Three meters behind Sarevok he landed on his feet, surprised at how easily he had penetrated the opponent's defense. This couldn't have been all after the massive aura that he'd felt.

Sarevok breathed out sharply. The three katanas, while not being able to cut through the hardened muscles on his big chest, had left 3 thin red lines on his skin, not to mention the mess they had made of his shirt.

"I believe we should start getting worried now," Arlissa said, while watching Sarevok's scarred face which didn't move a bit as the Bihander slid out of his fingers and clanked onto the metallic ground. Only a careful observer could see how his eyes began glowing weakly in a yellowish light when he walked a few meters to a little heap of weapons and armor. As he was about to lift a big and dangerous looking halberd, Arlissa was behind him and hugged him tightly. "Don't kill him. They're not enemies," she whispered in his ear. "You don't need to do this, your pride isn't shattered."

When Imoen positioned herself in front of him a smile appeared on his lips, though it was impossible to tell whether it was of friendship or mockery. "Fine," he said, "your sword shall remain sheathed."

With these words he freed himself of the two girls and walked through the door which Luffy had taken a very long minute ago.

There were two things confusing Zoro. For one, a really promising duel consisted of only one single and one-sided exchange, before it was interrupted by two girls girls who drove his sparring partner off.

Secondly there was his lacking reaction to this situation. For some reason he had felt relieved for seeing Sarevok turn away. That man's eyes were scary. Trying to figure this out in his mind, for the first time Zoro really noticed the other occupants of this sphere.

The one Sarevok seemed to consider his superior, the black haired Arlissa, caught his eye first. Though she had joked around a lot earlier, her pretty face was serious now, nearly depressed. But with the black silken dress and the pale blue eyes of hers this attitude seemed to fit her a lot better.

He couldn't lay his finger on it, but something about her was irritating him, until he realized that her ears were abnormally long and pointed.

"There goes the evil incarnate."

The words came from the till-now silent blond whose face was a mask of hatred and disgust, though she was probably a cute girl otherwise. She too had pointed ears.

"Please don't speak like that about him, Aerie," Arlissa said. "He's only a sad soul trapped in a monster of his own creation."

- "Why do you always protect him?" Aerie wanted to know. "You _know_ him!"

- "And you know that it was not he who killed Valygar and Nalia. I simply want to believe that there is redemption possible for us Bhaalspawn."

Arlissa's voice had been quiet, but compared with the following silence it rang in everybody's ears. She turned away.

Then she turned back, with closed eyes and a smile on her lips. "I'm sorry, I didn't want to kill the mood."

Her eyes opened, emanating zest for life again. "The divination spell has finished by the way. Jaheira's not on this plane. If you're as fed up with this never ending water as I am, I suggest we move on. - And if words aren't enough to restrain _you_ boy," she continued in Sanji's direction, whom she was trying to hold at bay with her left hand, "I'll have to settle for something a little more _drastic_."

Zoro asked: "Move on? There is nothing but water for days in every direction, even with your speed!"

Sanji, who had finally taken the hint and was checking out the other two girls now, asked: "Can't we come with you?"

The second warrior, who had been quiet until now, took up Sanji by his collar and beamed at him. "Of course you can come with us."

Showing the hamster he held in his other hand he continued: "Boo here says you're alright. Besides, you look like fun! - Do you want to hold Boo for a bit?"

Sanji, paralyzed and shocked by this treatment, was put back on the ground and given the little rodent into his unresisting hands.

A broad grin went through the audience.

Though when she had regained control of her facial muscles Imoen explained that things were not that easy. "Certainly you could join us on our dimension jump to another world in the Planar Sphere, but your ship is going to stay here."

She looked at Zoro, whom she deemed the smartest of their guests. "Even if you decide to come along, you should elect somebody to guard it."

"What about 'Otiluke's Resilient Sphere'?" Aerie asked. "Surely that'd suffice to keep the ship safe?"

A helpless expression crept on Zoro's face; and left again. "I'd like to ask you what makes you think we'd want to accompany you, unfortunately I know how our captain thinks about weird, almost certainly suicidal and stupid adventures."

He grinned.

"Wait, you're not the captain?" the short and old-looking man asked. His eyes became big as understanding hit him. Pointing his finger to the entrance he asked: "Wait, it was that guy? Mr I'm-as-elastic-as-uncle-Konrad's-special-glue-and-just-as-clueless?"

- "We prefer to call him Luffy. It's shorter."

Nami had finally managed to climb up the Planar Sphere and looked around a little exhausted. "What are you pipsqueak, anyway?"

Jan beamed at this question. "Jan Jansen, gnome since birth, inventor since the age of 6, successful inventor also of non-explosives since the age of 17, vegetable merchant since the age of 19, independent thief since the age of 23, adventurer since the age of 37, a short employment as party clown at the age of 41, author of guidelines for every situation and love-novels since the age of 58, lead-smuggler of monk-"

When his voice was cut off he grasped his neck, before he accusingly looked at Imoen whose right arm still aimed at him.

"Likes to talk," the redhead said.

- "Likes to talk," the Nami repeated.

Imoen grinned happily. "Well, let's finish the introduction. I'm Imoen, the girl over there is Aerie, the other one is my sort-of-sister Arlissa, that bulk over there's Minsc and what your friend in a suit is holding is his miniature giant space hamster Boo. Don't ask."

While she spoke, her hand waved in the general direction of the persons as they were mentioned. There was a short pause before she went on. "Usually there'd also be Jaheira, who was _accidentally_ teleported away by Arlissa, - and Sarevok, who's probably sulking in there right now. You can't confuse them though. One's a woman, while the other one most certainly is not."

With that she released Jan from whatever she had done to him and, though he still shot angry glances at her, he didn't try to take revenge.

Feeling that certain things still needed to be said, but also that with Luffy still rummaging around somewhere in the Planar Sphere she'd probably have to say it twice if she started now, Imoen cleared her throat, trying to gain a little more time, when a loud noise from inside the sphere alerted everybody.

It sounded as if a lot of furniture was being destroyed systematically and, if her expression was any indicator, Arlissa didn't like the idea at all.

As abrupt as it had started, as abrupt it ended a few seconds later.

Everyone exchanged worried glances, especially the black-haired girl, who seemed to be fighting the urge to rush down and protect her property from whatever was threatening it, but before anyone could take action, hysterical screaming flooded out of the door.

"Luffy!" Nami, Sanji and Zoro yelled in unison while ducking into fighting stances.

"Calm down," Aerie tried to save the peace, "I'm sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for all this."

But the screaming gradually became louder, eating away at everybody's nerves.

Finally Sarevok walked out into the sun, dragging behind him the shouting and pleading Luffy, whose wrists were firmly fixated in the left hand of the dark warrior.

"He tried to plunder our larder," Sarevok explained when confronted with all the inquiring faces, "And I believed that our leader should be the one to decide what's to be done with him."

A collective sigh and with it all the tension of the last moments was released into the air.

"Let him free, please," Arlissa said with a soft voice.

When Luffy was back on his feet and trying to find the perfect spot on his head for his straw ornament, she turned to him. "Word has reached my ears that you are a friend of 'weird, almost certainly suicidal and stupid adventures'?"

There was only confusion in his eyes and his mouth opened to a "what?" but before the word had left his lips his face changed to utter zeal. "Amazing! Your ship is simply amazing! So much bigger on the inside than on the outside! And there's all sorts of things!"

And to his crew members he repeated the last part: "Really! All sorts of things!"


	2. Chapter 2

THREE DAYS EARLIER

Jaheira breathed heavily from exhaustion. Not only was the place she'd been teleported to a red, dusty desert with a red, dusty sky and a red, dusty _unpromising_ horizon, it was also home for a pack of demons.

She sighed as she watched black demon blood mix with red sand. The stuff was oily, reeked sharply and disgusted her.

She looked away.

She looked directly at the gray front of a house.

She closed her eyes.

She opened her eyes.

She was still looking directly at the gray front of a house. Only it wasn't just gray, there were some pink glowing letters on it saying "Arisugawa's Locket". There were also a couple of windows and a door.

"Well, I'll be damned."

After taking up her backpack and drawing her two scimitars again she slowly advanced the building.

The door opened with a lot of resistance but silently to the pressure of her foot until she saw somebody behind it; her blades moved quickly driven by the reflexes of a veteran warrior and came to a halt one inch from the throat of the black haired woman behind the door who was very muscular, but completely failed to have horns, wings, claws or anything else that'd suggest demon heritage.

She had been standing alone in a very little room and in front of yet another door which she was probably supposed to guard.

Both women stared at each other for two seconds.

Finally the black-haired one very carefully raised her hands while murmuring: "Juri... Get Juri... A... Problem... We have a problem here."

Usually Jaheira would have stopped anybody from trying to call for reinforcements, but right now the blonde was rather confused, trying to figure out what this all meant. "You're not going to try to kill me, right?"

Now it was the turn of the other woman to look bewildered. Gazing at the weapons she wondered what the situation looked like in the eyes of the intruder.

Suddenly the other door opened and from her reaction Jaheira could see that the black-haired woman wasn't used to this kind of situation, yet.

The new arrival was a woman with orange locks and the appearance of a trained fighter.

"Bones, are you alright? Hitomi said you might need some help... - Oh!" she finished, when she finally saw the two thin and evilly glittering pieces of metal that touched either side of Bone's neck.

- "What do you want? Don't think you can just kill our bouncer and get away with it."

Hesitantly Jaheira lowered her weapons. "Bouncer? Is this an inn? What are you doing on this demon-infested plane?"

Understanding dawned in the face of the orange-haired woman who began to grin. "Oh, so you thought... Don't worry, I think I can explain this; my name is Juri Arisugawa and I'm the owner of this loony bin – Not a loony bin as such, just a bar dedicated to one special kind of people," she added quickly to her usual introduction, faced with Jaheira's questioning face.

"And this explanation of yours," Jaheira responded, smiling, "isn't about special kind of people meaning demons?"

Juri, expecting this, gave the cold smile right back. "We're humans. Most of us, anyway. Mostly. No, the thing is just our front door... It kind of opens into every possible universe."

The blonde considered this. "That would explain the 'loony bin' bit," she decided. "Sorry for that riot... Mind if I come in? I'm tired of slaying demons all the time."

There was a short pause while Jaheira thought about what she had said.

"There isn't going to be any fighting in there, right?"

- "If there is, I'm going to have you thrown out," Juri said through the sweetest smile. "Of course you'll have to surrender your weapons at the bar, like everybody else."

Those turned out to be more than what she had expected. Apart from the two scimitars there were a spear, a club, a sling and a couple of objects that gave Juri the idea the blond might just be trying to fill the shelf because she found it funny.

"Ok, I do understand why you're considering this pile of arrows, bolts, sling stones, darts, throwing axes and throwing daggers to be weapons, even though I believe that you're wildly overestimating the threat that a thrown stone would pose for the average guest of the locket -"

She paused to breath, "But these things? A cloak? Two helmets? A pair of gloves? I can even see a ring here."

Jaheira grinned. "I can only repeat what I already said. Most of my belongings are highly enchanted to allow for more efficient killing."

Taking up the club she continued. "I saw your expression when I called this a weapon. What would you say if I told you that this little piece of wood doesn't just crack skulls with ease, it's also known to sometimes scorch it's surroundings with infernal flames, on it's own accord, mind you."

Carefully she put it back. "And this little ring here... Suffice to say it's been used to break open castle gates."

The other woman started to look at the heap with new respect in her eyes. "It's safe as long as nobody touches it, right?"

That caused some laughter.

"Don't worry, they require the will to use them."

Jaheira looked around in the big room. There were some tables where people sat to eat or drink, another place was used for dancing, somewhere else people seemed to wait for their turn to sing something... This club was as alien as the music playing. She smiled, enjoying the feeling that she had seen stranger things during the rescue of Imoen from Spellhold, the asylum for "magically deviant", the following chase after Irenicus into and out of the underground of the world, fighting for their lives at every corner, later the raid through Watcher's Keep and finally the Bhaalspawn war. Yes, there were probably very few things left for her to see.

But something was odd here, indeed.

"Why are there only women in here?"

Juri's next smile was the first one that was actually friendly. "I've been wondering... How long would you continue to look at us from your high throne thinking how little this place is compared with your experiences so far. Arisugawa's Locket is a place for having a good time, but that's impossible with that sort of attitude."

She took a breath. "I'd add 'or dressed up like that', but most people would misunderstand if the next thing I said was that this is a lesbian club."

That last bit didn't really surprise Jaheira anymore, who had figured it out on her own by now, but she had to admit that Juri had some points.

"I'm sorry. Coming in here threatening you, acting all high and almighty... This has been a really bad day."

For two seconds she looked as weak and helpless as she felt. "I think I need a beer."

"Or two. Or three," she added in her mind.

"So, are you going to get out of that tin?"

- "I guess I might as well. Doesn't look like I'll be able to get back home anytime soon... Is there some place where I might change?"

Juri smiled and pointed to the toilets. As Jaheira left the bar, both women finally had the chance to take a breath, calm down and process the information each one had gathered so far.

When Jaheira came back, she wore a green tunic and a pair of black leggins. It had not been so apparent in her stiff full plate mail, but she walked upright and proud like royalty, not even letting the weight of her grown backpack put her out of balance.

Arriving she smiled and held the bag up. "Could you please put that to my other belongings behind the bar? There is little sense in my change if I must continue carrying this heap of metal.

She hadn't finished the sentence when one of the two light-blue haired twin bartenders reached over the bar with one hand, grabbed her luggage and pulled it over while grinning at Jaheira.

After a short moment of confusion she grinned back. "Thanks. And now a beer, please."

"Can you even pay?"

Though it sounded insulting, Jaheira immediately understood that this was actually a valid concern. In a meeting-place for all universes combined, there probably was no such thing as a universal currency. She had faced this problem before, and without even leaving her home plane.

Wordlessly she dropped a handful of chrysoberyls onto the counter.

"Right," the girl exclaimed. "Beer coming up."

Her eyes gleamed as she examined one of the gems while her hands were busy elsewhere filling a big glass with clear beer and lots of foam. Water started filling Jaheira's mouth almost immediately.

Juri watched her take the first careful sip, make a blissful expression and then gulp nearly one quarter of the beer.

"So, if you're satisfied now, can I ask you a question?"

Jaheira put the glass slowly before her before she turned around. "Shoot."

- "All that stuff... All these weapons... How did they fit into your backpack?"

- "A wizard did it."

The half elf didn't even blink. Dead-serious and motionless she sat there for three seconds before she burst into laughter. "It's true! A friend of mine found some bags that were magically bigger on the inside than on the outside. Highly fascinated as she was, she wasted three weeks working out how they had been created, totally destroying them in the process."

Again she brought the beer glass to her mouth.

"But in the end she was able to enchant some more for each one of us. And nearly kill herself too, but with her, that didn't really come unexpected."

Juri made a face. "_That_ kind of person, is she?"

The blonde pondered this. "You know, imagine a button saying: 'Do not press under no circumstances'.

- "There will always be some people that can't resist the urge to press it. Most people call them suicidal. They themselves prefer the label 'mage'. In my opinion these two terms are separated in meaning only by time."

- "Very philosophical. Where is your friend now? Or is this part of the question why you're unable to go home?"

Suddenly Jaheira looked very angry. "This childish... child. If it wasn't for her, I'd still _be_ home."

With scary eyes she glared at her beer.

"I just came back from..., I just returned from a duty I had to fulfill, and we had agreed on meeting in the Planar Sphere, which Arlissa and Imoen wanted to repair.

"So I walk through that big hall and I hear Arlissa's voice in the next room: 'Look, what do you think this button does?'"

Juri couldn't help but grin. "Ah, the mage-defining, under-no-circumstances-to-be-touched button. This is gonna be good."

- "Mostly over, already."

Jaheira sighed.

"A lot of pain, blinding light, more pain, some strange sounds – next thing I know I'm out there and surrounded by demons."

She emptied her glass and raised it so as to display interest in a refill. Her expression suddenly changed from depressed and weary to attentive and wide awake.

"And now you tell me something, _please_. What was that about your door? Could it bring me back to my home universe?"

Juri blinked. The change of pace had been surprising, indeed.

"Eh, I fear I have to disappoint you. It's programmed to bring anybody back to where they entered from. The only alternative is to be 'invited' by somebody else to _their_ starting point. And even if we deactivated this function, no offense, but you don't look as if you could tell us the necessary coordinates in the 10 dimensional universe."

The half-elf's mouth opened and closed as she gawked at her dialog partner for about one second. Then she had calmed herself and forced a smile on her lips. "Well, I guess that means for the time being I'll have to rent a room here. There are rooms for rent here, right?"

But Juri's attention was elsewhere. "Sure there are. Just talk to Ryoko."

Standing up she cursed. "You must excuse me, but I have a club to run."


	3. Chapter 3

"Do you really think that was okay?"

Aerie's voice sounded angry, but only to the untrained ear. For too long had she been traveling with the group to not be used to this kind of prank. But Luffy wasn't listening to her, anyway.

"That was so awesome when you made me glow red; How did you _do_ that?!"

"And _why_?" Zoro wanted to know.

Imoen grinned. The turn of events had been very satisfying, in her opinion. There had been a fair share of mischief, theatricals and even music.

"I really think you shouldn't have scared those two men like that, exclaiming to be the devil and all," Aerie started again, a thin elven finger pointed at Luffy.

"Please let me be the judge to who is or isn't scared, girl."

Sarevok was leaning against the wall, with one of his swords leaning next to him. The whole thing looked like a painting with a title like 'Two Brothers'. He didn't usually join the conversations, especially when Aerie was involved, but from time to time he made an effort at being sociable.

Ignoring the face that Aerie made in the direction of her half-brother, Arlissa said: "I agree with Sarevok. I don't think they'd have been able to play like that if they were really dreading you'd eat their souls if their song _wasn't_ the greatest."

"You actually liked that?" Nami asked. "That music was weird. The guitars had the wrong number of strings and they sounded all wrong, too. And that wasn't so much singing as shouting."

Luffy laughed. "You remember the part where they ripped open their shirts? Only _real_ men would do that!"

"I'm trying to forget that."


	4. Chapter 4

"For the last time. Not interested. Now go away."

"Oh, don't be like that, sugar. I can make you feel in ways you've never felt before."

"I can return that offer. Have you ever been skinned?"

"Oh sugar, you know the magic words that make me hot."

"You know what I named the last person to call me sugar?"

"What, sugar?"

"Toast."

"Crunchy. Tasty. Oh yes, sugar. Eat me!"

"I'm straight!"

"And I'm a crook. Punish me!"

"You're enjoying the fact that I'm not allowed to harm you, aren't you?"

"My heart is throbbing hard at the mere thought of what you might do to me!"

"Go away! Please!"


	5. Chapter 5

Nagini's head fell towards the ground and 150 eyes followed it. Voldemort's mouth was open as if in a silent scream and his face spoke of pure terror. His eyes seemed to reflect the image of the snake's head as it distanced itself from him, hit the ground, bounced off to find it's final resting place.

The next moment there was a sound as if somebody had dropped a pumpkin from a skyscraper, very loud, but also very disgusting. Blood sprayed over the first rows of students, mixed with a few harder bits and it took everybody a moment to realize that Voldemort's head was gone.

Blood shot from his neck, passed the remains of his chin and into the night sky. Then, like a marionette which had just had it's strings cut, the old necromancer's body dropped onto the ground and into a position that was uncomfortable just to look at.

The whole audience, defenders of Hogwarts and Death Eaters, stood paralyzed, unable to comprehend these last surreal events. Neville's eyes wandered from the sword in his hands to the remains of the evil wizard and back.

"Nobody move!"

Where confusion had been, panic raised it's head. Some people started shaking, others just dropped to the ground. If the situation hadn't been so grave, somebody might have realized the irony in the reaction to this command.

"Everybody drop their wand and raise the hands to where we can see them. Any hostile action will be immediately answered."

The voice came from somewhere in the open and it seemed enhanced because it was impossible to see anybody on the field.

A couple of seconds passed before people started to follow the order. One or two of the younger ones had to force their own hands open to let go of the wand, but in the end all arms were raised.

Suddenly dark figures emerged from the grass. Men dressed in green uniforms and clutching what most of the wizards didn't know as the high-end of weapon industry carefully advanced.

At the same time a very loud roaring began somewhere in the distance. It too closed in and the intensity increased with every second. A large shadow, a helicopter, as anyone with a little muggle experience would know, appeared at the sky and sped in the direction of the former combatants. When it arrived the volume was so high that conversation was impossible.

A man jumped off and landed on his feet in a way that proved hours of hard training every day. But as the machine sat down just beside him with the ear-killing noise finally dying away, his move seemed a little _unnecessary_.

"Miss eh... Mary Sue? Is there anybody of that name here?"

A petite girl lowered her arms, smiled and said: "That'd be me. Thank you for your timely arrival."

"We did _not_ act on your command, girl. Now, who are the ones we're supposed to take care of?"

Mary threw a despising look at the Death Eaters. "It really saddens me to be able to say this. But you should be able to distinguish the bad guys by their clothes..."

As they continued talking it slowly dawned to Harry that the war was over. Voldemort was dead but not by his doing. In fact, he'd been lying low through the last moments, faking death.

The thought hurt.

Furiously he jumped out of the giant hands carrying him and ran over to this Mary. As he was about to seize her by the shoulder, he suddenly found himself being targeted by 5 automatic rifles.

"Don't shoot," Mary screamed. "He's not bad!"

Three soldiers turned back to the Death Eaters, but Harry still had two guns aimed at him and quickly revised the angry speech he had wanted to give the girl. It boiled down to the all important "Who are you? Who are these men?"

The officer standing by her responded by pointing at him and asking: "Who's _that_?"

Mary sighed. "_That_ is Harry Potter, the boy who for some reason was expected to rid the world of the most powerful wizard alive. Alone."

A nervous grin stalked through the face of Colonel Crass, unsure whether it was at the right place, before it settled down and became a huge grin. "Now I see why that lunatic could become a menace in the first place. Don't you have any battle mages or something like that?"

- "Exactly my thought. In my opinion a wizard who wants to be successful in a fight should not rely on spells that take one to three seconds to prepare, have only single targets and fly at dodgeable speeds."

Disbelief planted its roots in the Colonel's face. But since this proved once again his old theory, that he was a superior being and everybody else an idiot, disbelief soon had to make place for mockery.

"And _you_ wanted to protect _us_?"

Now Harry, feeling more irritated than ever before, interrupted. "Hey, don't ignore me! What's going on?"

While Crass dignified him with barely a glance, Mary presented to him a cute and amiable smile.

"Mary Sue, Gryffindor, one class below you. You don't know me, I never broke any rules. And when I realized that we were entrusting all of mankind to a boy who hadn't killed anybody in his life I called my Dad who has _connections_ and _he_ suggested to the Prime Minister my idea of involving some _professionals_ tonight."

Speaking as if to a little child she showed him the truth behind her smile and how much disdain she harbored for him. The smile didn't disappear, but Harry could only see scorn in it now. Suddenly he felt exhausted, empty.

He turned around and walked slowly, as if carrying a heavy weight, towards the school portal when he suddenly heard a girl's voice above him.

"So the thing that made that guy's head explode is really called a 'gun' and is used to speed little metal bullets up _really_ fast."

A boy's voice answered. "That's about it. But I've never seen one powerful enough to take away the whole head."

- "Oh, that's easy. Just take bigger bullets... And a bigger gun, probably."

- "Impossible. You'd see where the bullet landed. It'd be a huge crater."

- "What about a bomb? One of these things would do the job, right?"

- "Put a bomb into an explosion only inches from your brains? Kiss your head good bye."

A second female voice said: "Silly Ussop, you can't kiss your own head."

And a second boy answered: "_I_ can."

The first girl responded: "Eew, Luffy, that's disgusting!"

When Harry had convinced himself that he was not hallucinating, he stepped back and looked up.

But his convincement melted away when he saw Arlissa, Imoen, Luffy and Usopp sitting on the edge above the portal. Imoen winked, Luffy gave him a huge, exxagerated smile.

"Who the hell are you?"

Harry didn't care about the inflationary use of the line. Some things just ought to be said.

He didn't flinch when Luffy let himself fall before him, patted him on the shoulder and said: "Monkey D. Luffy, pleasure to meet you," but the soldiers were not quite as lax.

Within four seconds the future pirate king was surrounded by seven of them, one standing on Harry's arm, whom he had accidentally pushed over.

"Hold your fire!"

The fear Mary felt was obvious in her eyes. "He's just a kid. Don't you see that?"

Her accusing stare went from one soldier to the other. "Do you want to shoot an innocent boy who's never even thought about killing anybody in his life?"

- "Hey!"

One look into Luffy's face was enough to realize how insulted he was.

"I'll have you know that there is a bounty of 30.000.000 Belly on my head."

His three friends up on the portal clasped their faces in their hands at this faux-pas.

"Luffy," Arlissa shouted, while Imoen cast a spell to leviate herself and Usopp to the Planar Sphere. "Luffy! We're leaving. Now!"

But Luffy, being oblivious to their worries, went on. "I'm gonna be the king of all pirates, just you wait!"

Statements that would normally only bring up a smile in somebody's face sounded like death-threats in this situation. One soldier lost his nerve and shot.

What happened then surprised everyone who wasn't familiar with Luffy's abilities, which was practically everybody. The bullet pressed into Luffy's interior, while at the same time being unable to penetrate the skin, pushing further and further, until it ran out of energy about two yards on the other side of the boys body, then its elasticity reversed its course and the projectile shot out roughly to where it came from, but fortunately missing the shooter.

It was this moment that Arlissa's spell activated and shot Luffy up and towards the Planar Sphere.

Mary pulled out her wand, pointed it at her and unknowingly repeated Harry's question. "Who the hell are you?"

- "I'm outta here."

With these words she disappeared. There was a lot of chaos afterwards. Some Death Eaters tried to use it to escape but soon found out that neither Mary Sue nor the British Special Forces were to be underestimated, and in the end it took nearly an hour for anybody to realize that the ricochet shot had killed Harry.


	6. Chapter 6

With a nearly inaudible click one of the two ice cubes that swam in the water broke. The sun shone on the steamed up glass and made it glitter. A single drop ran down its outer side and wetted the tablecloth. The rocking chair was silent as it moved forwards and backwards over the grass and Dominic Deegan decided that against all odds, this was a nice day.

He had received a vision that a weird occurrence was awaiting him here and according to his clock, it was nearly due.

Leaning back he took a deep breath.

Suddenly a dwarf sped past him, laughing manically.

Not even a half second later a great sword crashed into the table. The man holding it had some facial tattoos, that Dominic couldn't make out in the hurry, shining yellow eyes and was steaming with fury. With a giant leap he was directly behind the little man again, who evaded the blade only by inches this time. In a matter of seconds they had disappeared into one of the side streets again.

Dominic reached behind his back where he as a good seer had already prepared a second glass with water and pondered on what had happened.

"I believe it's time to recalibrate my visions, this experience here should hardly count as strange. Weird is too much."


	7. Chapter 7

Three girls sitting around the table. While that in itself was nothing special in Arisugawa's Locket, the free tables around them in the otherwise packed building did draw Jaheira's attention to them. A couple of newcomers had tried to enter the circle, but others had quickly pulled them back into 'safety'.

Obeying her curiosity Jaheira chose a seat outside the circle but close enough to 'accidentally overhear' whatever they were talking about. She felt slightly guilty for it, but she'd been doing nothing but wait here for the best part of a week and she was in dire need of something to break her out of boredom's grasps.

"... wasn't for the two of you, I'm certain I'd have gone crazy by now," the black-haired was saying, melancholy playing along in her voice.

- "Heh," snorted the brunette. "What makes you think you aren't crazy, Saya? I know normal people don't go out every night to kill monsters."

The third, a blond girl with movements that gave her the air of a little girl as compared to the other two, grinningly showed two rows of perfectly white teeth with unnaturally long canines. "You're one to talk, Miyu. But honestly, I believe that's what's happening to my Master right now. You should have seen him yesterday."

- "Why, what happened?" Saya asked and the concern in her voice sounded honest almost even in the half-elf's highly trained ears.

- "You wouldn't believe," the hitherto unnamed girl claimed, but she continued nevertheless. "He came back like somebody had killed his kitten yesterday. Raving mad but..."

She was interrupted by Miyu's laughing.

"I'm sorry Seras," she said, when she had calmed down. "But it's so weird to imagine the most powerful and sinister vampire in existence with a little fluffy kitten in his arms. Ggllllnnn"

Apparently she was biting her tongue to suppress another fit of laughter. But the other girls grinned, too.

"What I _meant_ to say," Seras started again, "is that he was mad. On one hand furious times two. On the other hand though, I don't know, he uh... seemed scared."

Saya's eyes very briefly rested on Jaheira as if to say 'I can see you' before she looked back at the blond. "Now what would scare that guy?"

- "As far as I understood, some weirdos got the better of him. Behaved like tourists in a theme park, even when he lost his nerves and attacked them."

There was a moment of silence while the girls looked at each other. Finally Miyu asked: "Why do I have the feeling they are still alive and well?"

- "One of them bit him _back_!"

Seras' voice had gone up several notches. Closing her eyes she calmed herself before she opened her mouth again. "He couldn't make himself invisible from them, he couldn't outrun them and when he jumped on a roof they simply jumped after him. And he couldn't go all out against them, because they didn't seem to consider him neither an enemy nor anything _remotely_ threatening!"

A number of expressions appeared on Miyu's face but faded too quickly to be identified, in the end she showed a controlled if concerned face, one that one might expect on a player calculating their chances before putting all their savings into the pot. "Since they were obviously not after his life, what could they have wanted, then?"

- "I believe," Seras answered, looking at the ceiling, and Jaheira could see her nostrils move, "they were looking for somebody. Some woman with a strange name."

She took the glass in front of her, and took a little sip from the red liquid within. "And here comes the weird bit."

She hesitated and at first Jaheira thought it was to catch the attention of her friends, but then she remembered who she was trying to spy on.

Smiling she stood up and approached the vampires. "Let me guess," she said. "One of them threatened him with a hamster if he didn't swear off the blood of innocents."

She bowed a little and her long and momentarily unbound hairs blocked her view on them for the fraction of a second. Turning this well-known gesture into the clear message that she did not fear them was not very polite, but it might save time later on. "Please forgive me for eavesdropping, but I too would like to be reunited with my comrades."


	8. Chapter 8

Lieutenant Carbon stared at the monitors before him on the narrow bridge of the Zion IX. The screens showed a mostly black background with dozens of tiny, green pop ups full of information about the bits that weren't black.

"Captain? When you ordered to attack the Death Star, which one did you mean?"

A few feet behind him and a little elevated, an elderly man sighed. "Have you made yourself guilty again of reading the list of things Captain Hydrogen does not want to hear?"

Vigorously stirring the coffee before him he explained: "It's not a difficult task, I'm sure. The enemy space station should be easily recognizable, even for an unimaginative lad such as you. I understand that the enemy forewent stealth in the building for the sake of firepower and..." he trailed off.

Captain Hydrogen had only recently been given command of this ship and he had planned to build up a friendly relationship with the rest of the crew, but slowly he came to believe that they saw in him only a senile old man.

"It's a huge flying orb! It'd be difficult not to find, and even more difficult to miss, when you finally get around to doing what you're supposed to do and press the fire button!"

- "Sir, I found it already. Sir. _Them_. Sir.

The CO shut his eyes for a second. "On the screen."

A moment of silence followed as he tried to make sense of the things displayed.

"You mean this is- That's impossible! It's too _small_ to be a space station! Why would you _think_ it could be the Death Star?"

- "Well, it's got a huge skull on it, Sir."

- "And why would the Emperor have a skull painted on his Death Star?"

- "To really bring the point across? I don't know, Sir. I'm not paid to think, Sir. I'm paid to shoot, sir."

It was obvious that Carbon was nervous. Taking a sip of his coffee Hydrogen made a sign to another soldier. "Bring me plan BZ9-Delta."

This bestowed him with a moment of calm, and Hydrogen knew to savor it. Leaning back he let the taste of coffee slowly fade away and thought about home - and his wife.

He was lucky to be here, he realized, and not home.

"Sir, here is plan BZ9-Delta, sir."

- "Ah yes. 'What to do when confronted with two Death Stars'... I thought he was mad when Skywalker suddenly handed the envelopes out."

The bridge was treated to another moment of silence while Captain Hydrogen broke the seal and read the document inside.

"'If you read this, you're screwed.' And so we are."

He smiled. "His idea of a joke I suppose. Anybody got any ideas?"

- "That little one's not even half as big as us!" one of the ship's many nameless red shirts shouted. "Why the worry? Can't we just shoot it?"

- "Assuming the size is comparable to it's damage output," Sulfur, one of the more scientific minded officers replied to this proposal, "then the 'little one' would still be more than capable of dealing with us."

He pressed a few buttons and a depiction of the bigger Death Star and Alderaan appeared on the main screen. Then the bar scale underneath changed, showing Alderaan as about 500 yards in diameter.

No one questioned that something with the power to blow up a solid rock of these proportions could also damage their much smaller ship severely.

"If we don't want to anger them," Hydrogen pondered. "We'd better shoot them most _politely_. Argon, if you please."

- "Sir?"

Cannoneer First Class Adam Argon gawked over his controls and wondered if it was his personal fault for not knowing how to shoot politely and if this would result in an entry in his file and why _he_ instead of Lt Carbon was issued with this complicated task, when already the next order came.

"Fire."

Everybody watched as the laser beam made it's way to the target, and their attention didn't lessen when it suddenly turned and sped back at them.

After the ship had stopped shaking Hydrogen asked, embarrassed: "Did anybody else see a tiny bearded man on top of that Death Star deflecting our attack with a piece of cloth?"

As he watched the silent confirmations of his subordinates who didn't dare admit this madness loudly, the Captain wiped the remains of the red shirt off his desk. The thought of a man that could breathe in space and to whom laser bolts were mere play things carried his mind back into his childhood with it's many super heroes and monsters.

Then he remembered something else from the past.

"Everybody close their eyes for a minute. That includes you, Lieutenant Carbon, this is an order."

Hesitantly the soldiers obeyed, feeling helpless and vulnerable in a cruel and uncaring universe, while a few miles ahead, around the real Death Star, a battle had broken out that would decide the future of the entire galaxy.

It was Hydrogen himself who peeked first.

Excitement ruled his voice as he asked: "Well? Is it gone?"

It is unclear what bewildered the men more. The fact that closing their eyes had made the enemy disappear, or that their Captain had even considered this method.

This entire incident would have made for an interesting story and possibly set precedent for a new strategy against superior opponents if the ship had not been destroyed nearly immediately after joining the rebel forces in the battle of Endor.


	9. Chapter 9

Luffy stood in the middle of the glade holding a piece of paper, looking around with some anticipation in his face. The others had gathered in little groups around him speaking to each other in hushed voices.

"Tell me," Nami asked, a little nervous. "Why are we doing this again?"

Imoen, being the closest, gave her a look as if Nami had suggested to save themselves the trouble and just lie down and die.

"For fun," Jan gave back. He stood there, slightly bent, his legs wide apart and his hands left and right of his belt. "Because it's dangerous."

Nami raised her left eyebrow. "Yeah, right."

- "Some time ago we found this scroll holding the most dangerous spell in the multiverse and we've been wanting to try it ever since.," Arlissa explained. "On this plane, fate has a stronger grip over reality than on most others, so it'll be even more devastating. This is our chance!"

It seemed to Nami that there was a vital piece of information missing. Her eyes wandered from one person to the next. Aerie seemed a little nervous, but her eyes betrayed a good deal of determination. Imoen and Arlissa giggled a little and grinned as if waiting for a theater performance. Sanji calmly sucked at his cigarette, Minsc smiled broadly and Zoro's eyes were faintly laughing. Sarevok was dressed in full plate mail and his face was hidden behind the ventail, but by the way he held his halberd in one hand and a crossbow in the other, one could see that he was excited, too. Usopp tried to look brave behind his big ironclad back.

"I know it's dangerous, so... why are we doing it?" she tried again.

No one payed any attention to her.

"Okay everybody," yelled Luffy. "I'm going to read it now!"

He took a deep breath before shouting the magical words into the world.

"Jetzt kann überhaupt nichts mehr schief gehen!"

A flock of birds, alarmed by his voice, raised into the sky, but, apart from the sounds of a woodpecker in the distance, that was it.

Imoen disappointedly said: "Drat."

Immediately, everything went black.

When they realized that this was not the kind of darkness where your eyes need time to get accustomed to but the kind where you wouldn't be able to see anything even with a torch, for some reason a little light came back turning the world into a black and white scheme of shadowy figures and ghosts.

Someone murmured "Awesome!"

Suddenly a voice made of tomb stones said: "I AM HERE TO COLLECT THE SOULS OF A LUFFY, A ZORO, A NAMI..."

The voice hesitated, then a completely different one continued. "No last names? What is this?"

Everybody turned around to see, dressed in black, a young woman with white hair and a black streak standing right behind Luffy. She was fumbling with a bunch of what looked like sand glasses which she held on strings with her left hand. "But never mind, the number seems right. I don't doubt that these glasses are yours. I'll just eh..."

She coughed. "I WILL NOW CALL YOU BY YOUR NAMES AND YOU WILL ANSWER WITH PRESENT."

- "Wow, are you Death?!"

Luffy's face was a grimace of astonishment.

"I AM HIS STAND-IN. I AM SUSAN STO HELIT, HIS GRAND DAUGHTER. NOW, AS I WAS SAY-"

- "Griffon's stinking breath," remarked Jan. "Fate sure is one tough opponent. Instant death, huh? That reminds me of that time..."

- "I _told_ you it was a stupid idea!" cried Nami.

Luffy laughed.

"Hey," shouted Arlissa. "That means you're practically my niece! I'm Arlissa, daughter of Murder."

Smiling she added: "And that's your Aunt Imoen and Uncle Sarevok."

- "Uncle Sarevok!" Imoen cried and collapsed laughing.

- "What?!" declared Usopp. "Daughter of Murder? Grand daughter of Death? That doesn't make any sense at all!"

Sanji made an angry face. "Are you implying that these two beautiful girls are lying?"

- "NOW, IF YOU WOULD PLEASE LET ME CONTINUE WITH COLLECTING YOUR SOULS, I WOULD BE MOST GRATEFUL."

- "Do you even have a scythe?" asked Zoro. "You can't collect us without the proper insignia."

Susan silently raised her right hand and a scythe took shape in it.

"Damn."

Aerie showed a worried expression. "But we're not ready to die yet..."

- "I CANNOT SAY WITH A STRAIGHT FACE THAT YOU WILL KNOW BETTER NEXT TIME, BUT YOU REALLY SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT ABOUT THAT BEFORE DYING OF OBNOXIOUS STUPIDITY."

Both Imoen and Luffy continued laughing in the background.

Suddenly Nami's face lightened up.

"A game!" she proclaimed. "We have the right to challenge you to a game, right?"

- "I SUPPOSE... SO A GAME OF CHESS THEN FOR ALL OF YOUR LIVES?"

Arlissa made big eyes. "Chess?" she asked. "No, that won't do at all!"

- "It won't?" Nami said, with new fear in her face.

- "Of course not! She wouldn't stand a chance against four-times-in-a-row champion Minsc. And in a match like this, both sides must have equal chances of winning!"

Minsc was still entertaining a rather confused smile.

"WHAT OTHER GAME WOULD YOU SUGGEST, THEN?"

Susan was not oblivious to the lie she'd just been presented. But she liked these people and was curious to see how they'd try to literally cheat Death.

"How about we throw a coin? Tails, we live. Heads and you can have ours?"

Arlissa grinned. This was a good day.

As Susan started searching her pockets for a coin, Imoen shouted: "Oi!"

- "WHAT?"

- "You think we'd trust our lives to the coin of Death him- _her_self? We'll throw one of ours."

Susan looked at her. "YOU THINK I WOULD FALL FOR SUCH A SILLY TRICK? I WILL OF COURSE INSPECT THE COIN BEFORE YOU THROW IT."

The response was the cutest and most innocent face Imoen could create. She showed her seemingly empty hand and let a coin appear between her fingers. She had very skilled fingers, but to one such as Susan who always saw the truth the trick was of course lost. One quick glance on the coin itself also told her that while it wasn't perfectly balanced, it was not the tool of a cheater.

"Will you do the honors, Luffy?"

She tossed the coin into his hands.

The boy looked from Arlissa to Imoen and back again. These two seemingly had a plan. Then he grinned. With a sudden movement he hurled the coin into the air. When everybody's eyes were on the tiny spot in the sky where it was bound to return sooner or later he yelled: "Run!"


	10. Chapter 10

"I must say this is alarmingly tight. Discomfortingly so, even."

- "You could not have spoken truer. Why are we packed like this?"

- "It's a net, dear. We're caught in it."

- "Minsc's fury will not be held by any web, rraAAARRGH!!! The ropes. They bend and twist with my berserker strength, but they will not break!"

- "Stop that Minsc, this net might belong to somebody. Why are we caught in a net?"

- "Because of your acts of sabotage against theLångstrumpflotilla.

- "Right, yes. Because of our acts of... What is the Långstrump flotilla? Who are you?"

- "Annika Settergren, vice capta-"

- "And why did you do this to us? We've done nothing wrong. Wouldn't hurt a fly. Never wronged you in any way!"

Annika eyed the human knot in the fishing net. The people were certainly not comfortable, but they did appear to be calm and collected. Even the big guy, who had just tried to tear his way out of the hold, did not appear to be in panic.

"If that's the case, what would you call it what you did to the Hannah, our flagship?"

- "We installed a folding mechanism! It even has a handle now, for ease for carriage. That's a service! We should _charge_ you!"

- "I'm not sure what the crew would have to say to that... Maybe you should have warned them before test-running the mechanism?"

- "Okay, so maybe we accidentally hurt one or two of your mates, but sturdy pirates like them should be able to take it, right? No harm done!"

This black-haired girl seemed to be the speaker of the group. She did not actually try to apologize to save their necks, but she still enjoyed the trust of her companions. Either they had more allies on whom they now counted, or they were simply enjoying the situation, ignorant to all danger.

"And when you stole our treasure?" Annika continued the questioning.

- "It was a chest! Full. Of Gold! If you needed it that much, you wouldn't have left it like that, completely free for the taking."

- "The chest was locked, I seem to recall."

- "Everybody knows that hidden treasure is common property!"

- "Three guards..."

- "Phe. _Details_."

- "Hm. So how about the changes you made to the steering system of the Helga?"

- "Technological advancement! After linking the compass to the wheel, and messing around with nautics, geology, magic and basic morals, we were able to assure that the ship will now point northwards for the rest of it's life."

- "Why did you do that? Why would anybody want that? Why did you do it in a way that would make it impossible to restore the ship?"

- "It's important to have a certain goal in life!"

- "Which appears to be the other side of the harbor."

Annika took a breather.

"What gets me the most is how you were able to do all this – in a single night. You even changed an entire crew's native language to Chinese. Or something."

- "Did _not_!"

Annika did not deem this worthy a response. But the other girl continued anyway. "We merely convinced them they could only speak Chinese."

- "That's different, how exactly?"

- "For one thing, that's not an actual language they're speaking right now. For another, they don't seem stupid. At some point they've got to realize that nobody, including themselves, understands a word they're saying. And then they'll revert back to their mother tongue."

- "Probably," somebody behind her snickered.

The pirate lady sighed. She would have had the lot of them keelhauled already if the captain hadn't implied interest in this band. She didn't have time for this. An army of pirates wasn't easy to command. Especially if you had a captain who only took from those who would survive it economically and even then only if she liked the booty. Nobody would ever serve under her if it did not mean near-total immunity. Her invincibility in combat was already so widely known, that many a trading vessel's captain did not dare set off without any presents prepared for her and if a marine ship fired it's cannons in their vicinity, it was only a salute.

"You have no more questions?"

Annika did not need turn around to know who the voice belonged to. Pippi Långstrump, self-styled pirate queen, possessed a grin that you could see even behind the back of your head. She strode towards the heap of prisoners, and each step made the pier boom and vibrate. It took everybody a moment to realize that it was the Hannah she was holding in her left hand. She then bended to the water for a second and a few seconds later a full-sized ship was rocking in the waves.

"Neat," she judged.

- "Argh! This is getting us nowhere. Let me out of here, somebody is sitting on my feet!"

It seemed finally the patience of one of the boys had run out. A commotion started in the net, followed by a number of sounds indicating pain until finally the ropes caught fire and incinerated.

"You are still standing on my arm!"

- "Stop moving. I'll have this figured out in a second or so."

- "I can't breathe, give me some space!"

Unfortunately the youngsters still appeared incapable of disengaging from each other.

Finally Pippi decided to defuse the situation before any serious punches were thrown. "Do you know Jaheira?"

A red-haired head poked out of the knot. "What, you lost one, too?"

- "No, what I mean..."

- "A quest! Quiet everybody, listen to what trouble befell this poor woman and where the damsel in distress might be kept prisoner."

- "What if she means _your_ Jaheira?"

- "Then she couldn't have lost her, because she belongs to us!"

- "But don't you think it would be quite the coincidence if two Jaheiras went missing at the same time?"

Pippi watched the group in amazement. Somebody was deliberately and continuously derailing any intelligent line of thought, and the pirate queen had a feeling that this person was also the reason why all attempts to undo the entanglement had been in vain so far.

"Please forgive Arlissa and Imoen," a blond girl that Pippi hadn't noticed behind her said. "Ever since we embarked on this rescue mission they've been goading each other. In the beginning it was just harmless pranks, but now they're nearly out of control."

- "I've noticed."

- "You know something of the whereabouts of Jaheira?"

Pippi grinned again. "Sure I do. I'll show you the way... if you give me something in return."

- "Boots of Stomping!"

The black-haired girl now stood free as well. Rummaging through her backpack she proclaimed: "These magical boots are items of many a mystery and fantasy. Nobody knows exactly what they do, but their name implies grandness."

- "And why have _you_ never tried them out?"

The search seemed to have come to an end. "See for yourself – They're green."

Holding up the boots the girl made a face of disdain.


	11. Chapter 11

"So I've been working on my new video over the weekend and I really think it's coming out great. I had so many cool ideas, it's positively packed with ominous symbols and stuff. Can't wait to upload it."

Two girls were slouching on armchairs in one of the calmer edges of Arisugawa's Locket. Their appearances, clothes that had been outdated three decades ago and long hair that covered most of their faces, implied that they were not bothered by the impression given to other customers, but it wouldn't take one very long to figure out that they were actually enjoying the fear with which everybody avoided eye contact.

The Caucasian girl absentmindedly perforated the cake in front of her with her fork.

"That's nice Sadako... You must show me sometime," she added after a break.

She looked up when the cake was suddenly pulled away from her.

"Look," Sadako said in a matter-of-fact tone. "I don't care if you have a bad day. But don't you dare spoil my evening here with your brooding."

Her mouth showed something resembling a smile. "Okay, what happened?"

- "Some bastard reported abuse on all my youtube vids."

Inspired by the works of her friend Samantha had been using the pseudonym of _WellGirl2_ to publicize a number of videos. By now this had grown to be one of the most bizarre and artful collections on youtube and few things would tell the casual viewer that the creator was a little girl, except maybe for her fascination with horses. It was one of the unearthed treasures of the site though, as there were very few living persons to have watched them, but Samantha considered this to be a bonus to their quality, for true art must be kept from the plebeian masses.

As she spoke now her face had quickly lightened up with anger; she seemed to have been waiting for the question. "Such an asshole. Zero-rated them as well. I can't wait for the week to pass!"

- "What did they say the reason was?"

- "Apparently they are witchcraft and an affront to humanity."

There was a short silence as the Asian girl pondered this. "Is that actually reason enough for deletion?"

Her dialogue partner snorted. "You should know better about this than most."

Smiling she exclaimed: "Oh I'm in despair. This world that holds an unwavering grudge against sorcery and necromancy has left me in despair!"

Sadako was about to answer, when a movement to the right caught her attention.

Carrying a bold smile in her face like a banner, a blond woman was approaching them. Seeing that she had been noticed she indicated a bow.

"Samantha and... Sadako, I presume? I am Jaheira."

Sadako's eyes twitched, then she also displayed a sweet smile. "To what do we owe the pleasure?"

By now Jaheira had reached the table. With a gesture that could be interpreted as 'May I?' she pointed at a chair, but didn't wait for an answer before sitting down.

"I have been asked," she began, "to relay a message to you."

Samantha was very quiet, the other two exchanged glances that might best be described as predatory.

"Is this another pathetic attempt at getting us out of the Locket?"

- "I'm afraid it is. You seem to scare people here, and very much so."

- "But apparently we are not scary enough." Sadako made a face. "Are they really offering an adequate compensation for you to risk your life like that?"

Jaheira grinned. "Actually, yes." She turned her face to the crowd and a yellow haired girl, catching her eye, started waving grinning widely before getting drawn out of view by another, obviously embarrassed girl.

"Those two promised to give me a ride home if I take care of this."

- "How sweet. And what about us? What do _we_ get for complying and not, for example, kill you?"

Jaheira played with a locket that hung in her face. "You don't have to forget about the club altogether. On Mondays and Fridays there are the so called danger nights, where you'll be as welcome as everybody else."

She gave Sadako a sharp look. "And by the way, I doubt your evil eye will work on me."

Her dialogue partner slowly opened the mouth to respond, but Jaheira continued: "So either you choose to leave those people the space they deserve, or I may decide that balance be best served by destroying you."


	12. Chapter 12

Faint and eerie sounds awaited Juri, as she opened the doors to her enterprise. A flute was being played, but the unconnected, drawn out notes were not quite mere noise, and not quite music.

"So that's her," she exclaimed as her searching eyes finally settled on a silhouette in a dark corner of the club, behind the bar, but she didn't really expect a confirmation of the obvious from the girl at her side.

It was early in the afternoon and normally the Locket would still be closed, but while Hitomi was cleaning up and preparing the place for later, an unknown woman had told her from the outside to unlock the door if she wanted to keep it.

In the beginning the intruder had been very upset and ready for a fight, demanding to see Jaheira, but as far as Juri could tell she had calmed down in the thirty minutes it had taken Juri after the call to get here. The 'music' was still unnerving, but Juri ruled that it was much better and less scary than having her property set aflame. Since the woman had chosen the darkest spot in the establishment, where the damaged lighting was flickering and dim in the best of cases, she was probably not going to set anything aflame for the time being.

Juri grasped a candle with one hand, a matchbox with the other and slowly proceeded around the bar towards her guest of whom she still couldn't recognize much more than the most general features, as everything else was lost in the dancing shades.

"You're looking for Jaheira, aren't you?"

She was sure the stranger must have heard her, the distance was now only ten feet, and she hadn't spoken too softly, but the flute played on undisturbed.

Feeling a little flustered, Juri made a big step forwards. "Do you only know how to play? Or do you know how to talk?"

- "She's not here anymore."

- "Hm?"

Her response had come as a surprise to Juri.

"She's not here anymore and I wonder why that is so. Did you hide her? Did you kill her?"

As she put down her instrument Juri lighted the candle. Her opposite was a young woman with a serious face. She did not carry any apparent weapons, but that didn't mean she wasn't dangerous.

"I am a sensible woman. I give appropriate tips, I don't go around mocking those that were not blessed with presentable facial features as I was and I do not go around slaughtering civilians," she said with the conviction of one that actively makes this decision every morning. "Don't make this any harder on me."

- "Big words for the person who sent Jaheira into the unknown in the first place."

Juri expelled all scorn out of her expression when she asked: "You _are_ Arlissa, I presume?"

The girl before her flinched very slightly, but her voice was full of self-confidence when she replied: "I'd be the first to admit that mistakes were made. Women don't usually spontaneously switch planes and that includes women with plane traveling experiences and lots of highly magical artifacts from sources best summarized as untrustworthy or straightforward hostile and if one considers this is already the second acquaintance of mine who disappeared like that one may reach the premature conclusion that I might have something to do with it and forget in all that excitement that this does not help shed any light on the current whereabouts of the poor damsel in distress of the day."

Arlissa breathed in deeply and audibly after this long sentence before she finished, in a much more serious tone: "Would you explain?"

- "You like to hear yourself speak, don't you?"

- "Well, with all my friends leaving like that..."

Juri smiled. "You're too late."

The smile was not returned. "That much is known. If she had been here when I arrived we wouldn't be having this conversation."

Juri's lips parted and the smile turned into a grin. "I mean you're just 7 hours late. It took you nearly three weeks to get here, and now you barely missed her."

Leaning back she made a sign for Hitomi to bring two drinks. "Jaheira grew tired of waiting. First she asked people to tell you where to look for her should they meet you."

It was this way that Arlissa had found the way here, but neither woman felt the need to spell that out.

"Yesterday she met two of our regulars, Aaeru and Neville, and accepted an offer for a ride home."

Very slowly one of Arlissa's eyebrows wandered downwards. She did not move otherwise, but this little detail was enough to express the magnitude of her surprise.

"That is... anticlimactic," she was finally able to determine, but then she quickly regained her composure. "And stupid too. If only I hadn't insisted on an eight hour rest before coming here to replenish my magics..."

- "She said you could meet up with her in the Friendly-"

- "That's not the point. Who does she think she is? Escaping by herself..."

Arlissa's voice grew a little over normal conversational sound level. "I've never tried to free myself, have I? Or Imoen? Minsc would have stayed in his cage waiting for us even if we had walked right past him. Jan never tried to pick the lock of his cell on his own. Aerie didn't even think about clobbering the two orcs with the sword-key. And that's because kidnappings happen for a reason!"

- "Jaheira was not kidnapped though."

- "It's to strengthen the bond between you and your friends. And if you don't have any, it's the best opportunity to find one!"

Juri took a sip from the glass Hitomi had positioned before her. "In my world, a kidnapping is an uncomfortable and fearsome thing."

Arlissa shrugged her shoulders. "That's part of the experience, I guess."

- "And not every victim is saved in the end."

That shut her mouth.

Pointing to the second glass Juri commanded: "Drink."

"Now, as I said, Jaheira left a message for you," she added, taking advantage of the forming silence. "She is going to stay at the Friendly Arm Inn for about a week before traveling southwards. She will accept your apology," Juri gave her conversational partner an intense glance to create some emphasis, "provided it reaches her while she still resides in the stated inn."

Then she noticed that Arlissa showed no inclination of rushing to her long lost friend. Instead, she raised her empty glass and watched the ceiling lamp through it, slowly turning it in her fingers.

"Are you nervous at the thought of facing her?"

The black haired girl put the glass upside down on the beer coaster. "Nervous? Maybe a bit. But that's not why I'm still here."

Putting the index finger of her right hand on the center of the glass' bottom, she used the other hand to spin it around. "This is my first calm moment ever since I embarked on my long journey from Candlekeep and I just realized that I haven't got the slightest idea of what to do with it."

- "Can't help you there," Juri said a little less politely than she had planned. "But I promise this worry is going to go away as soon as you grow up and find a sensible occupation to form your life around instead of this unnatural urge for excitement."

Finally Arlissa stood up. Like Jaheira, she laid down a gem instead of money and walked towards the door. When she reached it she turned around one last time to explain: "It wasn't a complaint, mind you. And I am not going to grow up. I just worry that someday, I may lose touch with you or the normal world. But I will never let that stop me."

And with that, she was gone.

* * *

//CREDITS AND SOME FINAL WORDS

Arisugawa's Locket is another crossover fanfic (about a universe surpassing lesbian club which tends to kill it's own patchwork canon – a lot), which you can find on fanfiction net, as well.

Characters already "hijacked" by shanejayell (in order of appearance):

Bones: Cool Cat Studio, a webcomic

Hitomi: Vision of Escaflowne

Juri: Revolutionary Girl Utena

Ryoko: Tenchi Muyo

Apart from them, the following works have also been abused (in order of appearance):

One Piece

Baldur's Gate

Tenacious D – Tribute, a song (omg, it's a songfic!)

Harry Potter

Dominic Deegan, Oracle For Hire, a webcomic

Blood: The Last Vampire

Vampire Princess Miyu

Hellsing (TV series)

Star Wars

The Discworld novels

Pippi Långstrump

The Ring (both versions)

Simoun

I thank you for your patience with me and my humble writing abilities. If you have any suggestions for improvements or plain corrections to make, I'm open to everything save wedding proposals.


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